Mountains and Cows

A while back I got to have a lovely weekend which I spent with thirty some odd lovely women learning about an even lovelier God. Then I came back. To the real world. And feeling crummy. As I sat in a sick daze watching Charlton Heston in The Ten Commandments and the surreal scene of him coming down from a mountain-top-moment-with-God experience to one of pure madness as his people go bananas over a golden cow it occurred to me I am so like the people going bananas. I step off the high place and lose my mind over some shiny gold. It's easy to trust him in the mountain-top moments but what about the F-5 storm ones?
My sweet little church does many things well I think but one of the foremost, I think perhaps agreed upon by most, is worship. We rock it so to speak. And going bananas for God is a great thing but I wonder sometimes if churches with energy like that can easily get distracted over golden cows. Or maybe I'm just hoping I'm not the only one. 
One of our pastors was giving a sermon about idols and pointed out, somewhat astutely, that it's not like we see a statute of a cow and think to ourselves: ooh, I really want to worship that right now. What is more likely is putting our trust in having extra savings in the bank, or serving our God at the church to stave off any bad things from happening to us. Idols are often subtle. That's how they get you. Suddenly there is this thing. Like, maybe my ipad? Holy Tamole... our internet router goes down where I can't use that square-shaped god that glows for a week or two and it's slightly sad how cranky I can get about that. 
The thing was, that even after they screwed up, God still took them back. He gave Moses more mountaintop experiences and the people more and more grace until eventually he gave himself entirely to die for them. So while for all the world I feel like a screw up maybe I should remember that thank the good Lord my salvation does not depend on me but on the risen Christ who came to save me!

fighting to breathe

is it just me or do i spend a prolific amount of time apologizing for abandoning this blog? well this time my almost-week off was because i can hardly breathe. it seems this allergy season brought some lovely infections which kicked my used-to-be-occasional asthma into full-on-assault asthma. and i had no idea how exhausting it is to be fighting to breathe. nor did i have any idea how important breathing is. 
prayers would be graciously accepted. i'm a little frustrated feeling like i am doing all i can but to be honest i want to be home resting more and i feel torn like i should be at work. wisdom in knowing when to rest and when to suck it up would be most appreciated if you need a more specific prayer guideline. 

how is your may going? and.. to the thing that helped through some hard couple of weeks. giving thanks even still:

- for a sweet husband who sets up the humidifier
- for both children giving me numerous kisses on my cheeks at the same time!
- for hope of getting better, some day
- for nice warm tea
- for that lovely rice bag that i have been using every night to put on my aching lungs
- for inhalers. because really, they are genius.

with Ann and others at aholyexperience.com 

Mother's rock.

In honor of mother's day coming up, something I wrote for mine last year is posted below. Sadly they have moved to Oklahoma. Well, sadly for me, they are delighted and for their sake I'm glad they are "home." I hope you and yours have a lovely holiday weekend. We got to take some mother's day cards that we made (me and the kids... ok, mainly just me and Kaiya, ok, I admit... I made like half of them) to a nursing home and it was precious. One poor lady was clearly confused and thought the kids were her actual grandkids. We just kind of went with it cause why not? 

Sweet Kaiya was a trooper and politely answered questions and eagerly sought out the women to give them the cards. When we still had some left as we were heading home she asked if we could give some to our neighbors as well. However did I get to mother this precious child? 

And CJ's been getting a bad rap from me lately. Cause he's, well, three. But the kid just rocks. He's so fierce and fantastic. And I can't wait for four. Truly. Oh and he clung to his daddy's legs and hid from the strangers when we went to drop the cards off. I actually thought his response was the more logical one. Thankfully he didn't have an all-out fit until the very end.

At any rate, here's the post on my own fabulous mother!

Two and a half years ago my mom and dad came up from San Antonio to visit us as we were bringing our new son home from the hospital. As she held our baby she quietly told me that she had breast cancer. There was a strength in her voice as she said it that I clung to and I found myself searching her eyes for hope. I remember she apologized for the timing, as if she had planned to have cancer at the same time I had a new child. My first thought was a desperate prayer that my baby would have the chance to know her as I know her. 

A grueling year of chemotherapy and treatments ensued and I remember her sarcastically commenting "everyone seems to be thinking I joined an army or something with all this talk about fighting... well, I sure don't remember enlisting!" By the end of that year she began requesting no more pink. Ever. 

It felt like the air was just starting to clear and the sun was coming out again when her dad got sick with Alzheimer's. She told me that more than anything she hoped he wouldn't forget who she and her sisters were or his beloved bride whom he had known almost all his life. My mom's father passed away this summer and there she was again, strong, and hopeful. Mom was grateful that her father went quickly and was no longer in pain. 

Just a few months ago we celebrated my youngest cousin's wedding and my mom was doing laps around the hotel lobby with the rambunctious two-year-old who was winning everyone over with his blonde hair and footed jammies. Mom remarked to me that the boy has the memory of an elephant as we swapped kids so she could take my daughter down to get a drink. This mother's day I am delighted to have another year with her and that my kids get to know her a bit more. That they get to learn her razor sharp wit and share in her delight of trying new deserts, which they do with much eagerness. 

(And of course we got another glorious year! She is doing great and is delighted to be back to Oklahoma.)

Summer cold and three-year-old

I've got a cold, or allergies gone haywire, or both. And CJ, Lord love him, has been a bit much lately. His ability to whine constantly astounds me. Reminds me of, well, me. At any rate sorry for the lack of posting lately, for you see I was too busy sniffling or listening to him sniffling. (Sometimes we sniffle in unison. Glorious.) here it goes...
I'm thankful for sniffles, sore throats, and silly little boys who wiggle and whine. 
I'm thankful for having a job with benefits so I can use my sick time when I dearly need to.
I'm thankful for my sweet husband who even though he is still getting over the crud too has tenderly served me even so.
I'm thankful for community that tastes like heaven. Previews to eternity are always a blessed thing. 

~ with Ann and others at A Holy Experience

my apology

so sorry for abandoning my blog this last week. there was this distinctive pop sound and then our router went down, most unfortunate. then i went to a retreat where there was no wi-fi essentially and now i've got like black death. the upside is i'm a little peopled out from being surrounded by them all weekend and noone wants to be around you when you have black death so now i'm getting my alone time, yay! 
i hope you have been having a lovely week and that we will soon get our internet up and running again because i'm going on withdrawal missing out on your lovely worlds from your blogs. guess that just means i'll have to bing one day. like a girl with a whole huge chocolate box on v-day. lovely to anticipate.