So I have this vision that some day I will be doing exactly what I love to do and even more fabulous I’ll be getting paid for it! And at one time I thought I was. Truth is, the job I have is a perfect fit for me where I get to serve and work the right amount. The thing is there is always something, isn’t there? Just when you get a balance of a situation it all shifts, like an earthquake, or a mudslide, or some other Californiy thingy. And I loathe change. Down to my little baby toe. So when I snuggle in deep somewhere, it is usually to stay but lately, these last few years, it seems to be a pattern to be constantly uprooted. Now if I could just learn to say the cheerful bird-chirp “OK” my daughter has just learned when said change comes hurling towards me.
The thing is growing up a twin I have always had this notion that everything should be shared equally, split in half and FAIR. Now, where I got that notion from I have no idea. I imagine we were like any other kids and probably followed the toddler play ground rules: if I touched it it’s mine, if I looked at it’s mine, if I want it’s mine… and so forth. That is the thing that sticks with me though is that you can work your tail off at your office and your buddy just skates by. Honestly I don’t care if others don’t care as much about their jobs as I do. We all have phases we go through. I’m sure my care-meter took a dip these last few years because my soul has been pouring out to my baby. It happens. But I feel like I constantly work my tail end off only to have my bosses just shove me off to do the next thing.
It’s just like when I used to play softball. I would just roll with it. I played hard at every position and though I dearly loved to play catcher I never really fussed much or demanded to stay there so they would move me all over the place. My dad used to tell me that coaches like a ‘coachable player’ so I strived to be that and just go with the flow. I think that has been my career mantra, not that I was always successful, but I’ve tried. Yet instead of saying: hey that girl can work let’s put her where she wants they put me where they need me. And Ack ack ack on a stick do I hate change and being move around.
But work. Wow. I have work. So many MILLIONS of people do not have work. It is scary, truly, truly scary I think that the gap between the very ridiculously rich and desperately poor is widening so very much. I hope some day we are better people and we give more, seriously. I am being challenged to consider ways I can give, but I’ll ponder that and save it for now. Recently I was assisting with a charity thing and suddenly my problems didn’t seem so bad when others have to worry about their next meal. Suddenly it was like, come on Court, so what if you don’t know where your next desk will be? You at least know where your bed is. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my belly. And so does my kid. Perhaps I should give thanks for those simple graces and just focus on the good. (Without secretly wishing demise on those star pupils at work who seem to get everything they always want, or everything I want.) But see it’s silly to try and keep it ‘even’ because nothing ever is. Everyone is so unique and has different experiences that it would be impossible to parent, or supervise, too people the same way. So of course I know this but it’s hard when you are getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop, know what I mean?
On a serious note, for all those without work I am grieving for you and saying prayers that the job situation is turned around for most very, very soon.