Sunday, February 1, 2009

Soul searching

Recently, I have been trying to grow. Ok, maybe I've just been trying to survive. I have posted about some of my attempts at distracting myself by learning about my cats and learning about my food but it boils down to I think I'm at one of those changing seasons. I once read that people's personalities change every six months or so, in increments. No idea if that is true or not but it haunts me. I mean geeze, how different am I from when I was twenty? Or ten? What I hope my thirties bring. As this is my last year of being in a twenty, though I reserve the right to come back and delete this and lie about my age later, I am thinking more and more about what the big threes will bring.
I am hoping perspective. And the in-the-trenches kind. By that I mean I am a big picture person and so when times are hard it's difficult to see why they are hard. So often I look back and think, huh, so that is what was going on. How nice it would be to just calm down in the midst of trials and think: you will get through this, and some day you may even know why it is so hard right now. I think I also don't deal so well with change and these last few years have been a whirlwind so it feels in some ways like there's catching up to do. Like I could spend a few weeks on a porch swing with some lemonade, my hand in my husband's and watching my daughter tear around a huge, safe yard. Alas, it is study crunch time so I will have to wait a bit longer for that vision.
What are your thoughts on this? How do you gain perspective in the midst of things?

2 comments:

  1. Feeling something of the same. Or something of a balancing of feelings. I'm still in the beginning stages of understanding, so...more later, I guess. Happy soul searching!

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  2. Hey Court! I'm in a very similar boat (just add 10 years) and I wish I had the answer for you. I've been doing some soul searchihg lately as well. Being a grown-up is tough. I keep fighting it, but some days, well, there just aren't any easy answers. I do believe, though, if you just keep searching you'll find what you need.

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