*Disclaimer, you have to forgive this post. I blame hubby. He is obsessed with comic books and you can't help but like the bright colors, plethora of explosions and completely ridiculous story lines in them, however, I reserve the right to completely make up, plagiarize a little, and steal and borrow from any and all stories and realms of thoughts for this post. And this is one is er... probably rated PG 13, ok, maybe R in some minds so read at your own risk.
1. Bamboozled Boob Squirter. Ok, I thought about not explaining this one at all but just letting the imaginations go amuck, but I couldn't resist giving a little background. It started when a friend of hubby's and I had the following conversation. And to set up the context, Kaiya was a few months old and I was breast-feeding which was a fact this friend knew:
Friend: So um, I had a question. (awkwardly staring at the ground)
Me: (curious) Go on...
F: I heard that... I mean, I've seen... well... in some certain movies... er... (long pause)
M: (wondering what sort of movies, but taking into account this friend and feeling I
was quite certain I already knew)
F: um, anyway, these movies had girls who could squirt, um, stuff, during... uh...
F: (sheepish grin)
M: (thinking I should just answer but not willing to let it go) Um, (name here), would these
er... "movies" any chance be pornos?
M: Right. (pause to grin at hubby who is looking uncomfortable) Well sure, it happens, I think it's probably somewhat natural.
F: But in the movies when it happens it squirts across the room (getting more excited) and
like it shoots like pow! like a ray! Does? Er...
M: (glancing at hubby, who has this mixture of horror and humor on his face) Um, well,
I wouldn't quite call it shooting. That would be cool though eh?
Hubby: Yeah it could be like a superpower!
2. This one is for my car actually. I'd like a car that can zap people. Just a couple of rocket launchers on the hood of my car is all. That way when some jerkweed cuts me off I can nuke em! And while I'm at it some spikes on the tires so I can sideswipe jerks next to me and oh heck I might as well make the car automatic so I don't have to freak out on hills.
3. Flying Girl. It would be fun just to fly. I don't know that you'd really need anything else. I mean, what is up with superman and all these others who have like eight things they can do, I mean, seriously? Flying kicks butt. Why not just stick with that.
4. Climate Control Cylon. I had to throw Cylons in here somewhere and I was rocking out with the C's. I guess I could have put Court huh? Hubby loves to freeze me out. So it'd be nice to keep it at 72 degrees absolutely everywhere. Like even Antarctica or Africa.
5. No more pee chick. I seriously hate having to pee every five minutes. I was bad before I was pregnant the first time and after kiddo came it didn't exactly go back to my screwed up version of normal. So imagine me now. I may as well set up this computer in the bathroom.
(And just think if you put them all together: a girl who can squirt death rays out of her boobs, drives a killer car, can fly, is always the right temp and doesn't have to pee every five minutes!)