Saturday, May 30, 2009

Penis envy

I have a tiny penis inside my stomach. And a scrotum. This should be weird, right? I wanted a boy so badly. I think just because it made sense to me. One of each. I was always a chocolate and vanilla kind of girl so of course I would want both. But now. Raising a son. How do you raise a man when you can't even figure them out still? I mean, it could be worse, I could be totally clueless about them but I still feel a bit out of my league here. This whole time I was psyching myself up for if it was a girl, and I think I psyched a bit too much because it had occurred to me how easy that would have been. I mean, this was a sentence that actually came out of my mouth: maybe we dye some of her pink shirts blue for him! And the look on my husband's face said it all. It was the: what. are. you. seriously! what. species??? look. 
Plus there is the penis. When I used to change my nephews diapers I seriously didn't know what to do with it. I mean, do you flop it over, hold it up, what? And how hard can you twist it and pull it? They scream absolutely-freaking bloody murder if a girl's knobby knee gets within six inches from it and yet I see preschoolers yanking on it like it's a piece of taffy all the time. 
I guess I'm getting ahead of myself. First comes the birth part, right? And I'm a little stoked because everyone keeps telling me that boy pregnancies it's all in your stomach and not everywhere else. So then, what explains the 'everywhere else' on me? 
I am having a baby boy. Dreams of little sailor outfits and nightmares of him diving off the top of the jungle gym hollering like Tarzan are plentiful. My mom says they are easier. So, I'll just stick with that.... hey... wait a second. WHAT DID SHE MEAN boys are easier?? Humph. 


  1. Don't freak... they're sturdier than they may seem! I should know cuz I have 2, well 3 including dh, in my household. The boys yard on them and it doesn't seem to hurt anything!

    And honestly? Boys are easier. They put it all out there, no games, no hormonal surges... it's out there, they fight, they get over it and you're done. I have a friend with a daughter and I've never been envious... but she may be the only 6-year-old with PMS...

  2. Boys are awesome. I don't know if they're "better" because I only have the one, but still. Awesome.

    1. Don't worry. I don't know anything about boys or men (never have) but Diego still likes me plenty. (So does Jim!) He's definitely a kid first and then a boy. Which means play is good and sometimes he gets entranced by tools/cars/girls/whatevers.

    2. He will pee on you. Like, on your HEAD. So make sure he's covered with a wipe or towel or something at all times. Especially in the middle of the night when you're really tired. Which is when D got me in the face. It was gross. And, dude, he was little, too. Like a few weeks old little. Those little guys have good aim.

    3. They will pull and yank and tug to tremendous lengths, it is quite unbelievable. I still take extra precaution because, hey, it's not mine. hahaha

    4. Don't worry! You're a fabulous Momma to Kaiya so of course the little dude will be great, too.

  3. *LOL* that's cute. Boys are not easier if the girls you have are passionate, creative, boisterous little beings. My 5 year old can out think, out scheme her little brother any day and he's a handful. Can we say "active".

    So congratulations on expecting a baby boy.

    BTW, I know what you mean about the whole penis/scrotum cleaning thing. I had to have hubby explain to me how he wiped the poop off everything when it was all smeary because I was being to "gentle" and couldn't seem to get him clean. You get used to it. *L*

  4. I think you're gonna be ok.. and it will take two seconds to learn the difference at diaperchange..
    The difference between girls and boys isn't much bigger than you make it the first years. It depends more on the personality. Though I don't agree on that boys are easier. I have one boy and two girls.. and it seems to me that the girls are easier (though wilder). I don't know whether I find it harder with the boy because he is my first child, or because he is a boy.. or maybe even his personality..

    I had the pregnancy "everywhere else" when I had the boy - and only on the belly when I had the girls.

    Take care!

  5. I think they're both a pain in the neck! :o) Sorry, just kidding, and anyway I only have one boy. Embrace the differences, that's what I say!

  6. Will you be getting Peepee Teepees?

  7. I had exactly these thoughts before my little boy was born. I spent the last few weeks going 'I am growing a PENIS PEOPLE. A FREAKING PENIS.'

    Nappy changes now (nearly 5 months) are easy, but as a newborn I grumbled a lot that little girls are easier. It's probably just that I was used to little girls though. Hehe.

    Congratulations on having a boy. Boys are fantastic.

  8. You'll be fine.
    A trick for diaper changing that my mom taught me. But the clean diaper under the bottom before you remove the dirty one. Then it's right there to flip on as soon as you can.
    If you ever need a laugh about penises, you can always check out my blog with the penis tales and all. It'll make you feel better, I promise or I wouldn't have mentioned it.

  9. I've had three boy babies and five girl babies. The penis thing freaked me out at first, but let me tell you, I'd change a boy baby's diaper anytime. MUCH easier to clean.

    And after changing three sons's diapers over an 8-year span, I think one of them squirted me, like, ONCE. Don't let people scare you about that.

    Boys ARE awesome.


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