Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Nesting, Take 2.
So I don't think I'm at the "official" nesting stage. After all I'm just coming on six months, there are three, long, hot, months to go. But I am starting to freak out just a bit. I guess because this time it's different. There is no peaceful house occupied by two adults whose life is about to change. There is a clutter of toys everywhere and a tornado toddler scattering them with unsurpassed energy. There is figuring out just where in our teeny tiny house are we going to put another human being. It is a bit easier in one sense. I have some idea of things that work and things that don't. I have some glimmer of knowledge about the chaos that is about to visit us, yet no idea how we are going to manage new chaos when we have yet to figure out the little ball of light straight from Heaven we've already been given. And I think there is even more this sense of: gee, this time I have to have it all together. I mean, I've sort of lost rookie status but the thing is I still feel like this is all new. Granted, not all of it is new, but I'd say enough of it is new to set in a bit of panic. I guess it's silly though, to expect to "have it all together." After all I've only been a mom for a little over two years. I can think of a good many other things in my life I've been doing longer than that and I certainly don't feel like I have them down. Or even like I'm supposed to. Part of it is I need to stop comparing myself. I see other woman who have two already, or three, or four and they make it all look so easy. I'm not them of course, and chances are it's not as easy as it looks. Or even if it is I'm sure there are still daily struggles I know nothing of going on in their little world. And while I feel like I'm starting to sound like a broken record, the funny thing is, I still don't get it. That I don't have to be the best mom to everyone else I just have to be the best for Kaiya. I guess there is the rub though, sometimes I wonder if in all my competitiveness if I'm not failing her. That's a whole different post. So, for now I'll just go back to trying to figure out how to arrange Kaiya's room to make room for the newbie. And try not to be so hard on myself since mothering has to be one of the hardest jobs anyways and I certainly could be doing worse.