Sunday, July 5, 2009

Learning to let go

I think I sometimes have a hard time letting others bless me, or just even stepping aside to let someone else do it. The bigger I get the easier it is getting to do that, let people help me. Recently I was walking past this yoga group in the park and I was carrying a bunch of stuff and at first I was grumbling to myself that none of them were jumping up to help me but then when one did I started grumbling to myself about how was I going to repay her. It's like I still have to rationalize accepting help from others in my head. Or make it even again somehow. Why do we do that? Maybe I should not assume other people do, but a friend of our has had health issues and we help out occasionally by watching their kids. She suggested that they watch Kaiya for us, and I thought well, that makes sense. She wants to balance it out. Maybe it's just me that thinks that way, I don't know.
The thing is maybe it's not supposed to be balanced. I like it to be so then I don't feel indebted to people but I'm not so sure that's the way God has designed things. I mean, who can give what He gave? And yet, I don't quite feel that whole out of whack thing with him. I guess because well, he's God. But I wonder sometimes if all this is about us learning how to be loved and love back. To just fall into arms bigger than us.
And maybe this is just my roundabout way of saying thank you to those who have blessed us recently. It was like being wrapped in the arms of God.

3 comments:

  1. That's very touching.

    I think it does all balance out, but it's not tit for tat. You are not indebted to the person who helped you because it is a gift. Gifts are not meant to be repayed. In turn you, give to others when you can. It all works out.

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  2. I also struggle with just being thankful for the kindness of others. Like you I always want to balance things out. Although when I do something nice I generally don't want to be repaid, giving is a gift in itself.

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  3. I feel the exact way. I used to be worse, but my boss in college would force me to accept graciously, telling me that to refuse was ruse. When he took me out for a lunch, he'd wait until I ordered, ordering the same damn thing, just to keep my honest. I'm still pretty bad accetping. I think it's because I (and perhaps you) feel like we should do it all our own, to not feel weak or a burden. Remember accept with grace ;-)

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