Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Comfortable in my skin
I have been pondering lately this notion that I need to grow up already and be cool with who I am. Maybe it is that there are only a few more months of my twenties left. Maybe it's just I am a GenXr and we are always looking for what is wrong. There is this sense that maybe I should try and stop doing that though and start getting it together for at least my kid's sake. I think a start would be to stop comparing myself with everyone else and finding myself coming up short. And if I could get down that whole enjoy-the-stage-you're-in thing that would be great too. I was talking to a friend about that the other day. How when I was single I was just dying to be married and I missed some great moments with some amazing people who were filling in that needed close-knit family role for me at the time. I had so much time then too. Time to explore the world, both physically and mentally. I mean now, we are lucky if we get to finish a half hour TV show uninterrupted. But then as I sat watching hours of TV I just longed to be married and have kids. So not that I have what I was longing for so desperately am I enjoying it? Or am I just wishing, still, that I was a few years down the road, that the kiddos were a bit older and life was a bit easier. That I had the next promotion already, when I barely am getting a handle of my job as it is, and that we were settled in a house. There are babies all around us lately and when I look at how little they are compared to Kaiya I realize just how quickly this time is slipping by. It's like a really rich soup, that you can either drink down in one gulp and barely taste it or you could savor each sip and pick out the different flavors in the symphony in your mouth. So, here's to slowing down a bit and savoring where I am at.