Sunday, September 6, 2009

there should be a trophy for C-sections.

Recently Allison did a great post (click here) where she totally rocked and bared her soul which made me all brave and stuff for five minutes and think that I could post this. The truth is I am my worst enemy with this issue, and in all honesty there are no 'enemies' just people who could stand to um, back off a bit? Er? Learn to not be so nosey or rude? I'm so huge now everyone asks: when are you due? Which leads me to a predicament. Do I tell them, Oct. 4th (when I was due?) or do I tell them Sept. 28th (when I'm having a scheduled c-section?) I usually just say Sept 28th and leave it at that. The first few times I got into these awkward conversations as I would say: I'm having a c-section on Sept 28th. I say awkward because just about everyone then asked Oh, why? PEOPLE. That is rude. I'm sorry but it is. But even worse, was the way they asked. Some people it was genuine curiosity, others it was nothing but judgement. Like they got this cruel look and snorted, as if I am this selfish workaholic who wants everything on a dayplanner. Which, by the way, guess what..... SO?!!??? Why do we judge each other so much? But no. Sadly. I wish to God I could have a child naturally. I really, really do. But I feel very, very strongly that the baby comes first. And that point, I frankly don't care about offending anyone on. If you are so stuck on the idea of having natural child birth that you would possibly endanger your child then shame on you. And grow up. C-sections are needed for a number of reasons. Yes, needed. This misconception that people are just getting them willy nilly, honestly? Where does that come from? If you haven't been there, then shut up. What really drives me nuts it people act like it's a bad thing. Like something is wrong with you. Like you are less of a woman because of the way you were designed, by God, and you can't do the good ol' fashioned heave ho. You know how frustrating it was to be in labor for ten hours hoping to get started and never able to? The one thing I tell pregnant people is to read up on c-sections. When someone close to me shared about their frustrations with having to have one it totally helped when it came time for me. I felt like, ok, I'm not alone. This is ok. But I was scared witless because they stretch your arms out like Jesus on the cross and it's all just bizarre, especially if you've never had any kind of surgery thing before. So read up, it couldn't hurt to be prepared. I had a friend who was absolutely determined to have natural and when I told her to just read about it she scoffed at the idea. Can you see where this is going? Yup. She had one. I am still a little miffed too when I told her I was scheduling my second because she was like: why can't you do a vbac? And I was all: um, hello, nothing has changed about me... it wasn't like the baby was breached or something it was that I'm all too small and stuff. But see, here's the thing that gets me still, I feel this need to justify it. I wish I was confident enough to say: yup. C-section baby! Rock on! Like my doctor. When I was pregnant with Kaiya she was pregnant too and we were due about the same time. But her baby developed this rare heart condition and they decided to do the first ever open heart surgery in the womb (how cool is that? the kid is super healthy now too!) so she had to have one. She was so proud. But of course there was this: she had had one naturally. She kept telling me, up until she had to let another doctor take over with me, that it was better and I shouldn't worry if I had to have one. I wish I would have listened more but I kept feeling like: well, you have the badge, so easy for you to say.
Where does that come from? Am I the only one? I was glad when I told a friend to read up on it and she did and then thanked me later when she did have one. I wish we could all just band together and be like: you know what? This is great. I'm alive. My kid is alive. That's all that matters. So what if I don't get into the I-squirted-a-kid-out-my-hoohoo club award, we should get a I-survived-a-C-section award. And as a child who came by way of Cesarean I should be proud. I hope I can stand up for myself more and say: Yup, Sept 28th, kid's got the eviction notice on the womb and we're kicking him out!

7 comments:

  1. I find that there is so much judgment surrounding motherhood in general. Honestly, we need to just be supportive of each other. You are right that in the end the only things that matter are the health of the baby and the mother. Everyone else can just back off.

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  2. I completely understand this post. While I'm not pregnant with my second with a scheduled C, I am pretty sure that one day I WILL be, and I know I will be facing the same judgements that you are right now.

    Having a C-section when you have to (and there ARE cases when that is true, as you said) does NOT mean you are less of a woman, even though we can feel that way sometimes. I *do* think there are cases where women schedule them unnecessarily--for instance, women who are pregnant with their first and schedule a C-section with NO medical reason two weeks before their due date. But even then...who am I to judge? It isn't what I would do, but it's their body, their child.

    You don' thave to squirt a kid out of your hoohoo (that CRACKED ME UP) to be a real mom, or to have a real birth. And besides: you and I? We had the HARDEST LABORS of all. Laboring for hours (mine was almost 20) and then being cut upon. You know what? WE WIN the whole "labor is hard thing." And anyone who blames you for scheduling a c-section can suck it.

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  3. I totally get where you are coming from with the whole c-section thing. I had one with my first and thought it was awful and felt so inferior after, especially when friends would say to me after learning about it, "I'm sorry." Why were they sorry? What did I miss???? I was determined to find out. So had a VBAC with my second, who is named Kaya! But I think it's important every pregnant woman do what they feel comfortable with. It's your body, after all.

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  4. My mom had all three c-section. She has always teased me that it was all my fault. It was an emergency because my heart rate was dropping. But she prepared me just in case I had the same problem. She wouldn't let me do a midwife in fear that something would go wrong like she did. She always made it sound like it was just as good as natural, even refusing to do it natural with her youngest, worried something wrong could happen. (She has a friend who has hep B because she did vbac and was bleeding internatlly and recieved bad blood.) Actually my mom uses her C-section to her benefit. She BLAMES the doctors for her poonch, saying they didn't put the organs back right. No, my mom doesn't have a little fat around her tummy; that's just a doctor's mistake. Lazy doctor not forcing it back right.

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  5. I had no idea about the swirling clouds of judgment around motherhood until after I was pregnant. Who knew people cared so much about someone's business?! Everything from diapering to breastfeeding to method of getting your little one out of your body to the method you used to became pregnant in the first place. It's too weird. I just ignore it all!

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  6. I can relate to everything you said. I've had 4 c-sections. There are times when I feel like I missed out by not having a vaginal birth. During those times, I contemplate trying for a VBA4C someday.

    Then I stop and take a look at life now. I have 4 healthy little children. Yes, their births were awesome and I love looking back and remembering their Birth Days. However, now that they're getting older (oldest 6, youngest 21 months), how they entered into the world just doesn't matter as much. They're hear now, I'm their mom, and that's what counts.

    Thank you for your post. I find it encouraging to hear other c-section moms speak out that the way our babies are birthed is not the end all of importance in life.

    I'm Morgan by the way. Nice to meet you. : )

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  7. I knew I loved y'all for a reason, thanks for all the sweet comments and support and hello to new people!

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