So I had one of those crappy days, the kind that comes after another crappy day. It would be nice if all this stuff going on with CJ was progress and moving forward each bit instead of occasionally going backward. Again though, I'm hit with that it could be a lot worse. That other family was told their baby would get better and instead, just when the baby had gotten the breathing tube and ivs taken out and was about to graduate to a less-sick-kid bed the poor thing stopped breathing and went way back. That's what's is most frustrating. I take that back, the waiting is more frustrating. It would be grand if we just knew, ok, just three more days of this crap and then we can all be home. Today I went to get my daughter and she was asleep in our bed (because we just are too tired anymore to fight that battle) with her little butt up in the air like she used to sleep when she was a baby. And I was all: oh how cute, wouldn't it be cuter if CJ was asleep next to her though? I need to stop doing that to myself I think. And probably to others, mostly my hubby. What's frustrating though is that it keeps changing on us. First it was the breathing thing and it was like, ok, so we just have to wait for him to slow down his breathing and work through the fluid in his lungs. But then it was that he had jaundice too and so it was like: ok, just wait until the lights come off. And yeah! They came off. But now he's not gaining weight and so I try everything to breast feed him and it seems like it took too long and worked too many calories off, or he's tired still from the billyrubin (sp? being yellow from jaundice...) or tired from still breathing fast or who knows? And he keeps losing weight, the poor thing was so tired today he wouldn't wake up to save his life. So we had to keep "gobaging" him which is the nurse term for tube feeding. I have no earthly idea how to spell that either. When the nurse told me he had lost weight again, after all that work and hardly any sleep I couldn't even cry. I just sat and prayed. I asked got to "gobage" me so I would be all full of energy and could make it through the day because I swear, I was too tired to feed.