So when she and I went to see Christmas lights she of course called them "Kiss Kiss" lights. As the night wore on and we were on a dark street with no lights she shortened it to just "Kiss Kiss." As in: Mommy, where is kiss kiss? I paused for a second. Knowing she meant the lights but I wanted to get all deep and philosophical so I told her that Kiss Kiss was all around us and inside her. She shot me one of her looks. Eyebrow raised suspiciously and then she glanced around warily before looking back at me quite exasperated. I pointed and said, "just down there." This appeased her and we made it to where the lights were. Later I tried to explain what I meant. That Christmas is really about Jesus as a gift to us. She patted me on the leg. Kind of like: that's nice mom but I'm two, remember?
I think the reason I wanted to get all deep and meaningful is this year has been such a whirlwind. I meant to do Advent this year but it didn't happen. I meant to not do my shopping at the last minute, but again, that didn't happen. If it hadn't been for Hubby we wouldn't even have a tree this year. Of course all along I am trying to remind myself that Christmas is not all the silliness of decorating, shopping or even reading and checking off an Advent story each night. It is about receiving. Taking in help from the only one who can give it.
Later as we played outside and I showed her how to make a mud cake for the first time I asked her if she wanted to give it to daddy. She very quickly said no and I let it go. You see a cat was eyeing the chickens again and so I didn't have time to try and make it a teaching moment. After I shooed the cat away I went inside to check on baby boy and shortly after I heard Kaiya proudly marching in. "Here Daddy!" she cried out. And there she was, bringing in her newly made mud cake. Replete with sand for frosting and four-leaf clovers for decorations. He of course freaked out as she was carrying a very full bucket of mud that was already dripping out the bottom and getting all over our living-room floor. Which thankfully is hardwood. But he smiled when I explained it was her first mud cake that she had made for him and that I had asked her if she wanted to give it to him. I guess she just had to give it in her own time.
Where did Kiss Kiss go? How about when CJ coos or giggles and it melts my soul? What about when Kaiya plants a big, unprovoked, wet kiss on me and then on her brother and daddy? In the simple, amazing blessing that is a child sent for us all? At the foot of the cross? In an empty tomb? I don't know which road you are on friend, and it may very well be a dark one. Just around the corner are some more lights though, so hang in there. And if all you have to give is a muddy cake I promise you that Daddy will be delighted. He'll even clean up the mess.