Penis envy

I have a tiny penis inside my stomach. And a scrotum. This should be weird, right? I wanted a boy so badly. I think just because it made sense to me. One of each. I was always a chocolate and vanilla kind of girl so of course I would want both. But now. Raising a son. How do you raise a man when you can't even figure them out still? I mean, it could be worse, I could be totally clueless about them but I still feel a bit out of my league here. This whole time I was psyching myself up for if it was a girl, and I think I psyched a bit too much because it had occurred to me how easy that would have been. I mean, this was a sentence that actually came out of my mouth: maybe we dye some of her pink shirts blue for him! And the look on my husband's face said it all. It was the: what. are. you. seriously! what. species??? look. 

Plus there is the penis. When I used to change my nephews diapers I seriously didn't know what to do with it. I mean, do you flop it over, hold it up, what? And how hard can you twist it and pull it? They scream absolutely-freaking bloody murder if a girl's knobby knee gets within six inches from it and yet I see preschoolers yanking on it like it's a piece of taffy all the time. 

I guess I'm getting ahead of myself. First comes the birth part, right? And I'm a little stoked because everyone keeps telling me that boy pregnancies it's all in your stomach and not everywhere else. So then, what explains the 'everywhere else' on me? 

I am having a baby boy. Dreams of little sailor outfits and nightmares of him diving off the top of the jungle gym hollering like Tarzan are plentiful. My mom says they are easier. So, I'll just stick with that.... hey... wait a second. WHAT DID SHE MEAN boys are easier?? Humph. 

Friday Hi-Five

My five favorite things about itty-bitty kittens:

1. They are so gosh darn little it is unreal. Remember those little pound-puppy dolls? Did you ever have a kitten one? It could fit in your hand? THESE ARE SMALLER. 

2. Their mewing. Because it is smaller. Yes I know I just used smaller. But seriously. It is the tiniest, cutest sound in the whole... oh wait... Kaiya's little chirpy bird voice... OK it's the second cutest sound in the world.

3. The way my daughter looks at them. The little fantastic sparkle that comes into her eyes. And even the way she loses interest after five minutes. Yup, this is a Gen X offspring alright.

4. The way the two stupid things fight over the same nipple. Hello. There are six of them and two of you, do the math.

5. I love most, getting sucked into their world. The little baby play pen is their whole world now and looking down at them is comforting in this sense of: wow, how simple and sweet are they?

Feeding the baby

This is when I wish we had a camera. Kaiya's current favorite food is: oats. Not the horse-variety but good ol' fashioned instant oatmeal. She loves this sooo much. OATS! She'll screech. It's all I can do to keep from stumbling as fast as I can to the microwave. (And I do mean stumble. This klustzy thing gets funner each week.)

Once again she was having oats for dinner and for some reason a baby doll was on her high chair tray. (I've learned to not ask why when certain unexpected events occur.) I then looked over and she was spooning heaping bites of oats into the dolls mouth. What was most precious was the sheer look of delight on her face. She was a mommy. She was sharing her beloved oats. 

Later on when we were enjoying a movie and the same dolly wound up on the couch I went to remove it and discovered it was soaking wet. When I inquired to Hubby about this predicament he gruffly said: somehow oats got all over the doll. I think she was feeding it. 

And I was all sad, wondering if Kaiya got to give the dolly a bath or if daddy just hosed it down in the kitchen sink. 

It's a...

...

....

..... da da dun>>>

BOY!

oh and the nurse remembered my terror about twins and the first thing she did was swirl around again and said: yup, still just one in there. 

WHEW. 

Our family is bigger!

This is the tale of a birth. A birth of twins. What you say? I thought you were due in October? Why yes, I am. And thank God it won't be twins. (It better not be. As a twin, I fear with knowledge, first hand, that fate... and I already forced the poor nurse to swivel that camera stick around me a third time to make SURE it is not twins.... like seriously... Jon & Kate: MY NIGHTMARE.) Anyhoo... these twins are of a furrier variety. Daddy's twins. (Your mind didn't go somewhere gross now did it?) You see, Daddy has a kitty. He's had this kitty for a while, it's the same one we worried was a tragic case of a kitten having kittens a few months ago. We wondered where we went wrong, how we could have not told her about the birds and the bees. I mean, when we did she just kept licking her lips. But we were wrong. She wasn't preggo. And now that she's a ripe teenage cat age, we are so much more at peace with her motherhood. This time we were certain she was pregnant because we used Google and learned that the nipples turning huge is the key. Sure enough, her teets came out. I love that word: teets. 

We have been fretting that she would have the kittens in some unsuspecting neighbors' yard. This could be bad on so many levels. But, like all good nature stories, our little mama to be seemed to know she was to be a mama and when and so she chose us to be around. It was nice, to be chosen like that. It started early in the afternoon, we didn't quite know what was going on at first. All we knew was that every time Kaiya started crying or throwing a fit the cat started spazzing out, but in the sweetest mother-hen sortof way. Of course her incessant need to be right at Kaiya's side every 2.5 seconds (the span of time Kaiya can go without having a fit) was getting old pretty fast.
I went to bed early, because I had to get up early, when Hubby burst in to tell me that the kitty was in labor. This red sack thing sack thing was coming out of her bottom and he Googled and asked the hippy neighbor and the general consensus between the two was that it was the birth sack. I came out to watch. It was like watching the Discovery channel. I marveled at how she didn't even meow really. I mean: no drugs. I was expecting to not be able to sleep, I was expecting the worst howling I have ever heard in my entire life. The poor thing sat there quietly, sometimes it seemed she was choking but she wasn't and even that was quiet. I think I was disgusted and feeling competitive with a cat so I went to bed. (That and I thought, well surely this will take f-o-r-e-v-e-r. So.) Then he came in like half an hour later, and I was not quite asleep and he announced that one kitten was born. I came running over, feeling guilty I wasn't there, and he informed me he was on the computer during it. Oops. Truth is she didn't care. She was already busily cleaning the new one. And it was really long, at first we thought it was two kitties but then we realized it was just one. It was hard, and yet hard not to, watch the mother cat eat the sack the baby came in. Hubby tried to tell me it was natural. I screamed and said: I would never eat the placenta. He informed me I would if I lived in the wild. Thank God I'm a picky vegetarian. (Trying not to gag at the thought of it right this minute.)
I tried to stay up for the next one but was desperate to get at least five hours of sleep, especially since I had a fun filled day of 'on the job training' where I had to shadow a stranger... fun... and Hubby informed me in the morning that the second was born. I was surprised there was only two, but secretly thankful I only have to hound two people to take a darling new kitten into their home. (We may keep one, but good God then we would have FOUR.)

Psyching up for TWO

So I was talking with Bobeesah about parenting decisions the other day. I was wondering aloud why I doubt myself so much and came to the realization, while I was talking with her, that even though I don't have it all together yet I am at least a bit further down the road than I once was. I mean, with this pregnancy I have this feeling like I'm being lazy or something, but the truth is everything is already done. I mean, we still have all the baby stuff. If we have a boy, I sure hope he likes pink, but seriously, there isn't that sense of having to scramble around town and somehow find time to psychologically prepare for the biggest life change yet. Not that I have any doubts that having a second child will be a piece of cake, but I feel like I'm over that initial hump. I mean: she's still alive. We've survived two years. Some days I worry that noone will have heard from us in weeks and eventually someone will come to check on us and there we will be, under a gigantic pile of diapers, dolls and dirty laundry with the toddler on top like an explorer wearing a triumphant smile and carrying a little "I conquered the parents" flag. (They all get them in Heaven, you see, along with the rule book on how to drive us insane before they reach age three.) Anywhoo, I was talking about how I wonder if I shouldn't be preparing more for number two, or worried about it at least- I mean, why waste a perfectly good opportunity to worry?- when she remarked that she was researching on mommy blogs about the transition into baby number two and that for the most part it was like a more full feeling. Like their little families were more complete. And yes it was hard, but the hard was a kind worth having. So I'm starting to get a little excited. Like maybe, just maybe, this will be totally awesome. And maybe there will just be two little hikers ontop of the Mountain of Doom and flies buzzing around our heads. 

Dreams

So, anyone out there into this whole dream interpurting thing? Don't worry I don't think I'm going all hokey-new-agish... Likely the main cause for my interesting dream increase is well, the hormones from pregnancy. But still. Lately. I swear. Like what have I been eating? And I thought dreams were supposed to be like symbolic and stuff. Maybe my dreams talk to me the same way God does: a little esoteric at first and then when I still don't get it pretty blatantly obvious. You might "snap too" a little quicker than yours truly but He sometimes has to like drop a tree on my head to get my attention. (And I wonder where my daughter gets it from??) Anyway. Back when I was having issues with a certain person at work I was having bizarro dreams and then when the issues just kept getting worse and worse I had one that was like. Oh. NOW I get it. I read somewhere, can't remember where now, that dreams are like our way of solving problems in our sleep subconsciously. Now this is my kind of multi-tasking but ever have one that wakes you up? Sortof defeats the point, don't it? Ooh and I also learned that we dream in increments of like fifteen minutes or so and then we have this like hour long stretch. Which would explain why my dreams seem jarred sometimes and then there will be like a whole whacked up episode of Grey's or something thrown in at the end. What about you? Do you dream a lot/weird/remember them? Anybody else dream in color? (So glad we're out of the eighties, because those were some bright colors! Talk about hard to sleep through....)

I promote!

YEAH!!! This Sunday my promotion finally becomes official. Yippee!

puppy breath

I never thought I would like being kissed by a dog. I have this hate hate relationship with them you see. Started when I was five and was nearly mauled by one. Seriously, this big massive beast knocked me down and was growling and snarling over me, like I could feel it's drool dripping down, and this kind man jumped out of his car and chased it off. Still not quite over it. I was occasionally amused by my brother's dog. I mean the thing was just so darn stupid you almost had to have some sympathy for it. Exhibit A: He was defending the dog that mom and I were railing on for its massive stupidity while was ardently defending it the thing ran smack into the sliding glass door at full speed. Mom and I died laughing and he tried not to laugh, but I mean, come on, talk about timing! 

Two people are starting to change my life-long aversion for dogs. The two people I love most in this world are hopelessly in love with them and seeing how much joy my husband and daughter get from a puppy darn near breaks my heart. So I start to love it a little. I whisper to myself that I'm still a cat person at heart, but maybe it's ok just to like a dog a little bit. Luckily for me I have some transition time as the place we are at now we can't have one but we've taken to going to the shelter now and then to play with the puppies and it is the cutest thing in the world. It's like Kaiya really gets them. She loves all that there is about doggies and with so much enthusiasm that it makes me want to give in a little, or at least tolerate to see the joy on her sweet little face. 

Dropsies

I get a case of the dropsies now and again. But ever since the invasion began the dropsies are visiting way more frequently and way more seriously. It's getting to the point I think I may have Lou Geric's disease or something. I cannot hold anything in my hand for more than say, five minutes, without it falling. The only thing I can figure is that maybe this baby is growing so fast that my body is confused and thinks we are back in the teen years. Which delights me. I mean, those, those were fantastic! As if the hormones, weight gain, break-outs and all the rest wasn't great enough nothing like adding being the world's biggest klutz ontop of the mix just to spice things up. But I'm considering wrapping duct tape around my hands because if I keep dropping stuff I may just lose it and go all crazy white girl on the world. Ok, ok, so at most I'd like scream into the pillow, but let me have my fantasy for five minutes or so eh? Before I drop it.

I'm published!

It's nothing major, just a simple little article in a tiny little magazine. And I was so creative on my topic, I wrote about, wait for it.... writing. Ooh. You so thought I was going to say Kaiya didn't you? Well she was in there too. And here I must apologize for being a bit secretive simply because this raving idiot named her blog after her kid's actual name so she does her best to keep the rest of personal info as hush hush as possible, so I'm not posting the link to it that I so desperately want to post. It's a very small magazine anyway so the link just shows the title and my name, not the actual article, so it would pretty much be vanity anyways. And I admit, I keep clicking on it just to see me on a website other than this one. 

I had all but given up on the whole paid writer thing, and I'll be honest, the check was, um, for five bucks, but still. It's the principal of the thing. The really sad part is we were so dead broke this week we actually ran to the bank to deposit it. It's been one of those fun, let's-pretend-we're-in-college-and-eat-ramen weeks. 

Here's to all the writer's out there. Keep at it! One day, you too might get five bucks in the mail and feel like a million. (By the way, if you are already super successful and have a million wanna give me a erm fellowship or something? Was worth a try... On the whole being broke thing, does anyone else wonder where all the money went? Is there like an island of billionaire's laughing at all of us?)

Are you kidding me??!!!??

I was considering giving up tv, for the summer, so that way I wouldn't miss my shows of course. But after watching Grey's finale I may just give up tv all together!! Seriously??? They can just end it like that? OK, I won't say anymore, don't want to spoil THE WORST ENDING EVER for anyone. I asked hubby why they did that and he said: so you'll come back and watch it in the fall to which I screamed: I WAS ALREADY GOING TO they could have had the characters read pages from the phone book and I'd watch it. Ok, maybe not, but still! Just once though, can't they have a satisfying ending instead of a cliff-hanger? 

Friday Hi-Five

My kid loves magnets. She just can't seem to keep them on the blasted fridge. Here are some of the recent places I have found them.

1. Inside the fridge. This one was certainly the closest in proximity to where it is supposed to go.

2. Inside the dishwasher. Like #1 since our dishwasher is magnetic as well and has become the overflow location for magnets it makes sense. Plus, who knows? Maybe it was dirty and hubby did this one.

3. Underneath my pillow.

4. In the bathtub. I guess she really, really likes clean magnets. 

5. In the washingmachine. See #2 and #4.

Are you getting the point? She likes to open things and put things in there. This may be problematic. I keep waiting to find the remote in the freezer. 

Ready set go!

You know that first day of school feeling? That, geeze this is all brand new and I'm worried I'm screwing it up in fantastic new ways? Well I've been all over that feeling. I am still waiting on the erm, benefits of my soon to be promotion, by that I mean: moo-lah. But at least they are moving me towards it by training me. And even though it is the same job essentially since the skills area all brand new it feels like a whole different job. And I feel out of my element. I also feel like, dang and I was just starting to get the hang of that too. Still, I guess this out of whack thing is normal for your twenties and thirties. I hope so at least. With the new though comes the feeling of excitement. I mean, let's face it sometimes life can sort of get stuck in a rut and I think I was feeling that with my career for a while. So while I have no delusions that this will solve that and I'm sure I will learn to hate this new thing just as much as I did the old thing I'm hoping the newness will keep me too busy to be pessimistic at least for a while. Here's to Spring and new things! If you are starting a new job, getting married, having a kiddo or just at some other new place in your life shoot me a line so I can feel like there's someone else in the trenches with me getting all splendidly muddy and battered too. 

Ode to mom

My earliest memories of my mother are varying, in that she was always taking us to these weird, fantastic places. I guess it worked out well for her that to a five year old an antique store is way cool, but not even just errands. Like one time we went to this fair. It was in some random town and I think it may have even been in the middle of the week but it was perfect. I still love fairs. I still get disappointed because for the life of me I can't recreate that memory. I remember walking through a park and looking up at the fall trees. Mom was telling us what they were. She was always teaching and then I don't think I appreciated it enough. Since she had been an art teacher sometimes her craftiness came in handy. I loved all the little projects we would do after school with her. And movies. Since there were four kiddos it was special when she and I would just go out and we went and saw some flicks just the two of us. I think the most memorable was City of Angels because a friend of hers had just died and I had this deep sense of pain for her and realizing that woah, mom is human after all. 

Then we went through teenage years. Not my finest. We survived. One or both of us may have screamed: you move out! 

There is something about being a mother that makes you appreciate yours more. I guess it makes sense. Still, I really, really do. There is this twinkle that hasn't faded, this sense of just sheer joy in her eyes and mischief. And I love that my daughter is getting to know her and the joy that she can bring to others. Happy mother's day to all!. 

The BEST ending to Grey's Anatomy

Don't worry I won't ruin a surprise if you haven't caught up with your TiVo yet. So we are sitting there enjoying our favorite show, perhaps even holding hands I'm not quite sure, and Hubby starts laughing. Since it isn't exactly a funny part I look at him questioningly and he points at Kaiya and manages in spurts: look. at. her... I look over and as she is staring intently at the TV as well and has her foot up to her mouth. It takes a second to digest the image because for one it looks so painful to be bending like that and for two it sort of looks like a circus act, like someone who can put their feet up behind their head. Then I realize that she is sucking on her big toe. I mean, the whole, blasted thing is in her little mouth and she is going to town on it. For like five minutes. I'm not quite sure what I missed on my show, but the Kaiya show was well worth it!!

I will gouge out your eyes!!!!

CK just posted about tantrums on her blog and as I read through it I started to feel better. I lifted up a little, had this sense as I scrolled through some of the comments and felt like ok, maybe there are women who understand out there. Just none in my little corner of the world, at least the other day. I'm just now getting big enough that it's a little hard to carry Kaiya great lengths or get her out of a convoluted spot (like say, a tunnel on a jungle gym?) and so I have had to resort to begging like a poor, destitute homeless woman, with my two year old for a little mercy. It almost never works. The kid barely gives me hugs anymore, she's like a cat in her sense of "I will grace you with my happy presence when I so choose the rest of the time you have to just love ME." Hubby had finished grocery shopping and I had taken K out to the playground and tried to start pleading early to get her home. I reached over to get her finally, straining just a bit and the slippery thing clawed herself away. So I just went for it and grabbed her and huffed and puffed through the playground. All the while the loudest bleating sound I think I've ever heard is emitting from my daughter. But here is the kicker. Why, tell me why, was EVERY single blasted pair of eyes glaring at me???? I wanted to kick someone, and ironically while I was being kicked by two tiny feet IN MY FREAKING PREGNANT BELLY and still not a single look of sympathy. Just scoffs and mutterings. I'll be honest. I prayed that Jesus would give them all boils. Ok, really that their kids would be horrid that day and they would think back to the poor struggling woman in the playground who could barely carry her kid and how they didn't think to get off their fat butt and help but they did have the energy to point and snicker. The next day I saw a daddy dealing with a tantrum and I made a point to look concerned for him. It occurred to me that yes, maybe some of the mothers out there were concerned for me but the truth remains, I actually heard one of them say "what a b****" as I walked by and I turned and saw her just glaring at me. She was young and twenty something. It was hard not to wish her ovaries would just shrivel on the spot. What's your worst stranger mommy experience?

Speak Kaiya speak!

I have been worried about baby girl's language development and now that worry is stamped with the approval of her doctor. So I can officially worry. 

She actually just said that Kaiya should be talking a big more, using more words in general, and when she uses said words string them together in either two or preferably three word sentences. We are on mission teach Kaiya how to speak now. I chase her around the house repeating whatever word I'm trying to bang into her head: "shoe, shoe, shoe, say shoe!!" Or when she says a word, like "cheese" I start in with: "say I want cheese. I... I... want. want. cheese!" She just grins at me. The thing is the kid really does want to learn, most of the time, and it's like she's drinking in the attention so I feel like this is mostly my fault. I mean, do I really have to talk to her in compound sentence structure all the time? (or, worse, scream at her so she can't even understand what I'm saying?) I've noticed she watches my mouth closely when I am trying to teach her a new word or reenforce an old one. It's like she's drinking in the words. So, if my posts are a little choppy for a while, you understand. Must. Must learn. 

Feel free to pray for my little girl, my prayer is here. 

A new blog

So I got this idea from 

Twinkle Scrapbooks

site when she did and interview and I learned about this cool gal who has a prayer journal as a blog. And I thought how cool is that? You can see like the prayers, with dates and stuff, and if people are just super dooper prayers and finished praying for all their friends and family they could hop over and pray for you too so it's a win win. So I decided to create one. Check it out if you want to see what I'm bugging the big guy about.

Seriously, you don't have to keep up with both. If prayer really isn't your thing then no biggy. And hey maybe this will cut down on some of my whining on here, eh?

It's called:

Calling the Deep

It will simply be my prayers to God about stuff. Feel free to comment there too. I won't post every day and likely I will post about stuff I'm putting up here most of the time and if so will probably include the link. (Like the first one is about work stuff, since I've already been whining about that a few times.) And go check out that gal's prayer journal, it's way cool!

The frenzy of worry

So I go back and forth with this whole worry thing. It didn't help that the doc assured me that yup I have bronchitis and he too was worried it was going to turn into pneumonia what with being preggo and all and the lack of drugs they can give me. I get into the car and am relaying this to Hubby and then start talking about the Swine flu and how what if I did get it and I before I could even really get into my worry rant he's gripping the steering wheel. "You are imagining yourself with Swine flu, pneumonia and basically on your death bed aren't you? This is just like worry crack for you, isn't it?" 

And he's right. 

Still, today when we go out to a super fun neighborhood event I am going to be a little bit manic with the sanitizer. Spritz spritz. 

Friday Hi-Five

Dah dun dah! The five.... wait for it... SUPERHEROS  I want to be!

*Disclaimer, you have to forgive this post. I blame hubby. He is obsessed with comic books and you can't help but like the bright colors, plethora of explosions and completely ridiculous story lines in them, however, I reserve the right to completely make up, plagiarize a little, and steal and borrow from any and all stories and realms of thoughts for this post. And this is one is er... probably rated PG 13, ok, maybe R in some minds so read at your own risk. 

1. Bamboozled Boob Squirter. Ok, I thought about not explaining this one at all but just letting the imaginations go amuck, but I couldn't resist giving a little background. It started when a friend of hubby's and I had the following conversation. And to set up the context, Kaiya was a few months old and I was breast-feeding which was a fact this friend knew:

Friend: So um, I had a question. (awkwardly staring at the ground)

Me: (curious) Go on...

F: I heard that... I mean, I've seen... well... in some certain movies... er... (long pause)

M: (wondering what sort of movies, but taking into account this friend and feeling I 

was quite certain I already knew)

F: um, anyway, these movies had girls who could squirt, um, stuff, during... uh...

M: sex?

F: (sheepish grin)

M: (thinking I should just answer but not willing to let it go) Um, (name here), would these

er... "movies" any chance be pornos?

F: (nod)

M: Right. (pause to grin at hubby who is looking uncomfortable) Well sure, it happens, I think it's probably somewhat natural.

F: But in the movies when it happens it squirts across the room (getting more excited) and 

like it shoots like pow! like a ray! Does? Er...

M: (glancing at hubby, who has this mixture of horror and humor on his face) Um, well,

I wouldn't quite call it shooting. That would be cool though eh?

Hubby: Yeah it could be like a superpower!

2. This one is for my car actually. I'd like a car that can zap people. Just a couple of rocket launchers on the hood of my car is all. That way when some jerkweed cuts me off I can nuke em! And while I'm at it some spikes on the tires so I can sideswipe jerks next to me and oh heck I might as well make the car automatic so I don't have to freak out on hills.

3. Flying Girl. It would be fun just to fly. I don't know that you'd really need anything else. I mean, what is up with superman and all these others who have like eight things they can do, I mean, seriously? Flying kicks butt. Why not just stick with that.

4. Climate Control Cylon. I had to throw Cylons in here somewhere and I was rocking out with the C's. I guess I could have put Court huh? Hubby loves to freeze me out. So it'd be nice to keep it at 72 degrees absolutely everywhere. Like even Antarctica or Africa. 

5. No more pee chick. I seriously hate having to pee every five minutes. I was bad before I was pregnant the first time and after kiddo came it didn't exactly go back to my screwed up version of normal. So imagine me now. I may as well set up this computer in the bathroom. 

(And just think if you put them all together: a girl who can squirt death rays out of her boobs, drives a killer car, can fly, is always the right temp and doesn't have to pee every five minutes!)