Sunday, June 13, 2010

The hair of her own head.

I think one of the things I struggled with the most over my mom having cancer was this notion that if she, a God-fearing, loving woman, could get cancer than what on Earth could happen to me? After all. I'm as self-absorbed and nasty as they come. It seriously takes just about everything I have to muster up some positiveness on this here blog. Ok, I may not be the scum of the Earth but I have quite a few more years of living to do to get to where my mom is. I recently heard someone talk about this notion of karma and how we sort of think it's true. We sort of believe, deep down, that God is keeping score. So my first thought, when I heard her diagnosis, was: geeze already, her??? As if it was God settling the score or something. Which of course is silly. Who on Earth, besides God, knows why she got cancer? It could just be genetics I guess.
This is the type of person my mom is: one day we were out shopping and I commented on her visor. It was this little thing I had actually bought her a few years ago at a fair. I commented that it would go well with my swimsuit, and before I knew it she was reaching to take it off to give to me. She's a giver. She just gives and gives. We often joke in our family about the bag o' stuff. You almost can't go a time seeing her without getting one. And sometimes it seems like it's random stuff but the truth is it's all stuff you mentioned wanting at one point. It might have even been a couple of years ago and you long since forgot but she didn't. And she finally saw the little knick-knack at some garage sale or flee-market so she picked it up for you. Along with an extra hand-towel, because who doesn't need those? The slight faux-pax about the day she gave me her visor was that when she took it off her wig came with it. Thankfully even though the store was crowded everyone was in a frenzy to get what they wanted and noone was paying attention to us. We laughed and she got her wig back on and it occurred to me that if someone had asked her for that she would most likely give it as well. Some just give the shirts of their own backs, not my mom, she'd give the hair of her head. (Speaking of, if you have long hair and are looking to chop it for the summer consider Locks of Love!)
All this to say that my mom rocks. Cancer sucks. And sometimes things just don't seem fair. Maybe that's because this life is like a movie preview though and sometimes those previews really don't capture the essence of the story at all. So maybe just maybe we'll all be in Heaven some day sitting in the Holy theatre and finally understanding why this happened and that happened. And we'll come out into the bright light of eternity, all post-movie-wobbly-deer-legged, and grateful for the Father who loves us and is good. So for now, that's all I need to know.

1 comment:

  1. I love reading your perspective on this whole journey. Thank you for sharing, and your transparency is one of the neatest things about you. And you, too, have been blessed with Mom's gift of remembering things that pertain to individual nuances/special requests/wishes, etc. I love you, baby girl! Sessa

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