Thursday, March 17, 2011

Putting the paint brush down.

My mom had told me an easy art-craft trick to do with small kids was to take a flower and dip it in paint and then use it as a stamp. When we did this little project Kaiya picked up the flower and started painting it with her brush. I thought it was a sheer masterpiece, the paint all smeared on the petals in the haphazard way only a three-year-old can manage. Of course the original flower was already beautiful beyond compare and needed no further adornment. Least of all my little girl's scribbles.
It struck me as I watched her in all her cuteness that her painting the flower was about as silly as me trying to run my own life rather than let God be in control. He really doesn't need me to do anything to finish up his masterpieces, he just lets me help like a mother lets her toddler "help" her bake cookies. It's for the good of the little one. Not the big one. Most days when it's time to make cookies I'm overjoyed when Kaiya is busy playing and I can quickly make the batter and let her help me by just adding the chocolate chips. Otherwise my kitchen is full of blobs of batter and everything is coated in a fine layer of flour. Even the ceiling. And as fun an experience as it is to make cookies with my little one I'd just as soon let her help me sweep up the floor or something neater.
The good thing about God though is I have a feeling he is less like me and more willing to let us "help" him with things no matter how messy we make it. I learned this a lot this past year as I tried to step into the very large shoes of a woman at my church by helping with a bible study. (And I'm speaking figuratively of course, she actually has tiny feet). My little role that would be the equivalent of a big toe was frustrating at times. I think because it's like I wanted it to be the way it was. But my efforts were like a child's scribbles and I wanted them to be a Monet.
The thing is. Maybe, just maybe, God loves my little scribbles just as much, even more perhaps, as I love Kaiya's. Maybe he'd be a bit, hum Court, you should be able to make a circle by now, but still happy with the effort. Maybe I'm not supposed to be the lady who went before me but just me. And as I screw it up hopefully I get better at it and screw it up a little less each week.
Maybe sometimes I'm supposed to put the paintbrush down and enjoy what he's made in all it's natural beauty. With no help from me.

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