I have a bad, bad habit of wanting "that." By "that" I mean, whatever I currently don't think I have (ironically sometimes I do) or am completely convinced I need (and most often quite certainly do not.) For example: when I was at the end of my college career many of my friends were getting married. I started to feel like an old maid. At twenty-one. Little did I know, at the time, that it was necessary for me to have an established career before I got married. That in our little family we would flip what society normally does and have the father stay home with the kids. Truth be told those first few years of transitioning into my career and then starting it were crazy busy anyway.
Still. Valentine's Days when I was single sucked. I would sit and watch cheesy Jane Austen movies and eat chocolate. Alone. Instead of hanging out with friends. Starting a new hobby. Using the abundance of TIME that I would be wan to find much later in life.
Life with little ones has brought me to this place again. I find myself longing for a day when we don't have to buy diapers. As everyone around me smiles at the screaming child I'm holding and murmurs fondly: it goes by so quick. Of course it does. My first baby who I swear just came out of me yesterday is having full-blown conversations with me. Granted they are usually about teddy bears and crocodiles but still. Conversations. My nephew whom I first got to practice mothering on and was just the other day holding on to my neck and chirping "tee tee" will be a teenager in a month. A teenager!
One day as the children twirled around me like planets in freakish orbit I stood and watched them running. They are running. Both of them. The baby too. Soon they'll be racing to high school in little cars like my brother and I used to do. God, help us. I smiled to myself, paused, and enjoyed this. Wanted this. Not that.