Tuesday, June 14, 2011

the grace of now

hubby lays on his side, groaning in pain  as his body fights off infection. a dog, whose name none of us can remember, whimpers at his side. (we're dog-sitting.) the two of them were up all night. the dog because he misses his family. the husband because, well, he's in charge of all things dog. the four-year-old and almost two-year-old sniffle out in a chorus of congestion. 
i am wondering if i use the booger sucker enough, douse them up with tylenol, and play stupid maybe i can still go to the church training thing i had been planning to go. not that i particularly want to go, for i too am starting to feel sick, but, free childcare is not something i pass up very often. my conscience kicks in though and i remind myself how much it annoys me when others send their sick kids to get the rest of our kids sick so i suck it up and make the call to the children's ministry director. 
i start to plan out the day, that i had thought was already planned out for me, and it occurs to me to pause for a second. their two sweet little, albeit green snot-covered, faces are looking up at me with such love. for the man laying in pain i feel such deep, tied-together love that i can't even write significantly about it. i almost even feel love for the dog which is altogether unusual. 
i wonder if there are times we enter into the eternal by being fully in the present. if we stop to not barrage our souls with the what ifs and even sos and drink in deep the actuallys and the nows if we don't become a little bit more like Him. who is. 
He started with that. "I Am." He started with Is. i tend to start with the other two: the was and the yet to come. perhaps the creator of the world knew what He was doing when He announced who He is. perhaps He knew we all need to be here, now, in this moment. not in the moment that didn't happen that we desperately wanted and not in the moment we are dreading and hoping doesn't happen but in what is happening. i believe He helps us during it all too. thank Him.

3 comments:

  1. That was such a great post. I was initially going to comment on how much I relate to the frustration of having to "plan out the day, that i had thought was already planned out for me," and instead I really connected with the rest of what you wrote. You are so right. I know I don't see what "is" as much as "what was" or "what is to come."

    I am so grateful to have started my morning with your perspective. Thank you!

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  2. Thanks CK. I love, love your posts as they make my sides split, regularly, and you are a gifted writer so your kind words mean a lot!

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