Tuesday, July 19, 2011


Do you ever just feel like a mistake? Like maybe the genes got all criss-crossed somehow and somebody else was supposed to have been born? Someone smarter. Prettier. Shorter. 
Do you ever wonder if He made a mistake offering you salvation? If when the preacher prayed that prayer out loud it was supposed to be someone else repeating it but silly old you did instead? Someone better. Humbler. Truer. 
Am I the only one that wonders these things in the dark of night after the kids, cats, and husband has gone to bed? 
Maybe I feel like a mistake because I keep making them. Or, at least, it seems like I keep making them. For when I make one it gets put on this tiny movie reel and it's the main feature each night. Sometimes there's a matinee too. 
I try to pray my way out of that wretched theatre and sometimes it works. Sometimes it just blips the screen all scratchy like a cheap dollar-movie. But it's still there. Sprawled out. And I imagine that the audience is full of all those I deeply love and respect. And there's Court. In a clown costume. Entertaining with her idiocy. 
I try to switch the film. 

I am redeemed. He summoned me by name. I am his. Isaiah 43:1

I will see him again and no one will take away my joy. John 16:22

He will instruct, teach, counsel and watch over me. Psalm 32:8
I cannot be snatched from his hand. John 10:28

Maybe the only mistake is listening to that rotten snake tell me that I am one. I am loved by God and I get to try and love him back. Does what man thinks of me matter? Does anything? The God of the Universe loves me for some crazy, odd, reason. It ain't by mistake because he don't make none. I rest in the crux of his wings. 

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