He walked in the door with goodies from the birthday party and raving about how cool it was. Before I could even stop myself I was muttering: "I hate this woman" and when he showed me the hand-made 'monster' goody bags I about gaged. They were adorable. Handstitched goodness packed full of ridiculous cuteness. My goodies were plastic tractors that were on clearance and bangle bracelets (also on clearance) that I handed out from a wicker basket. I hadn't even sprung for ziplock bags to put them in because I was so cheap.
My dear husband went on and on about how this mother even had a monster cake and little sandwiches cut out like monsters. With each creative detail my loathing just grew. The goody bag she sent each kid home with had to have cost $10 bucks total and I think I spent $10 total on the whole party, including the last minute cake that I was lucky enough to find at Wal-Mart at 2:00am the night before the party. It tasted like stale Saltines. People choked it down by smothering it in ice cream. Each cute monsterish detail just made me hate this woman I haven't even met all the more. I could already picture her: gorgeous and with perfect style and wonderfully behaved kids. I've been known to actually go to parties in my pajamas- and no- it wasn't a pajama-themed party I was just too tired to change. Frankly, everything I do is last-minute and half-assed. So I start to hate those who seem to do life better than I.
Perhaps there is a better choice. My usual answer is to try and up my game. I kill myself to find matching clothes for the kids so they don't look like little hobos when we go to the park but the truth is I'm not good at fashion stuff. Heck Kaiya has more fashion sense already than I ever will- thank the good Lord!- but it's not like I'm a primordial ooze of nastiness. I can actually be quite pleasant (when I want to be.)
How about rather than muttering darkly I remark how cute the bag is and thank God for the obvious creativity he put in this woman? How about- rather than try to compete with her I move on- thank her quietly for loving my kids so well by lavishing them with a delightful monster goody bag? How about I keep giving my best to my kids because ultimately I'm their momma and so I automatically get 50 million cool points just because? And how about I waste not a second longer on negative thoughts about a person I don't even know and turn them into positive thoughts?
Who knows- perhaps she could totally rock and I would love to spend time and get to know her? And how about a little bit more grace for myself?
I've had a sinus infection that has given me migraines and made me throw up for two weeks now. I'm doing good to get out of bed in and the morning and remember that I gave birth to two children and they must be fed and clothed and occasionally bathed. Maybe, just maybe, this is not a season in which I can lavish others with creative generosity. Maybe it's coming though. Maybe my best is truly enough even if my best is occasionally finding one of the kids matching socks to wear.