Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Pushing through

I thought we could do it. I thought we could somehow push through this time. That some big, Lazarous miracle would actually happen. 
The four friends pushed through a ceiling to lower their one down to Jesus. Don't we all have someone we want to get to him, even if it means pushing through a ceiling?
This time I believed we could push through death itself and make a fatal prognosis simply wrong. But I was wrong. Caskets should never, ever, be made that little.
There is only so much of this hurting world that I know about, I realize as I read a stranger's deep pain over losing her one. How she too had tried to push through, get that one down through the blasted ceiling, to him on time. Only she doesn't see it as failing. She sees it as winning. That the one she was pining for is truly alive now.
How much do I believe in resurrection?
Maybe sometimes we are so busy looking for the miracle we want and miss the miracle we need. 
We miss that he actually makes all things new, which doesn't mean replacing what was lost but a whole new thing. Sometimes though it's damn hard to let go of the old thing. And death is so final, with no chance for a second glance at the one you love alive and well. 
No chance, here, at least. But here is not the only place that is. That, I know. I also know that He is good, all the time. He knows the exact number of our days even though, sometimes, they are far too short. 
He knew the exact number of his days. Down to the betrayed garden minute where his freedom ended. He knew how painful it would be. From the sweating blood to the final spear. Yet still. He came. He chose to come for us and die that horrible way. 
How much do I believe in the resurrection?
Enough to push through. To push through the pain here for now that one day will be gone. To push through the roof again, and lower a friend down to him again, and maybe just maybe it will be like he said. In one of the many times when he talked about what was to come, he promised that our sorrow will turn to joy. 
Our sorrow will turn to joy.  

With Ann at 


  1. I went through a period where I really questioned a God who could let people die...young people, good people, etc. Then I came to realize that I only saw one (admittedly selfish) part of the story. I realized that God knew the whole story and saw the other side of death as a gift.

  2. I think I often stay in that view of things myself.

  3. amen
    one day, one fine day He will dry every tear...

  4. "'s damn hard to let go of the old thing." Yes...yes, it is.

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  6. Especially when that old thing is a three month old baby!!

  7. Oh, my heart is hurting for your loss. I lost a baby a few years back and even though I know I'll see her later, it's still a very hard loss in the now. My prayers are with you.

  8. Thank you, yours was much greater I'm sure. The girl was a child of my friends and not mine, but I think the sadness came in from hoping against hope there would be a last-minute miracle in their story and that she would be healed. I can't even begin to imagine what losing a child must be like. Blessings on you.

  9. Court, I read Brooklyn and Katherine's stories from your blog. I haven't had to face a loss like that, and I know when I do, I'm going to have to cling to Him for all get out. I do know that the hardest thing He's ever walked me through was the biggest blessing in my life. I also know Him as my healer, and I'm confident those who He heals fully in His presence are in His amazing care.

  10. you are so brave, friend. to write about the tragedy and darkness that we all live in here. and to choose the hope on the other side. may our hearts bleed for those in the tearful days, but hold tight till the dawn. when the tears will be wiped away.

  11. Praying for you and the family. Praise God that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Thank you for the beautiful and touching post, & God bless!

  12. It's always so sad when a young child dies and I don't think it's unusual to question God at a time like this. My heart is with and your friend's family.

  13. Court,

    Nice to meet you. It's nice to stop by here. Your focus on "pushing through to the resurrection" is a good reminder. Thanks. I hadn't heard that one of Katie's ones had died. I'll have to pop over there too. So sad.

    Thank you for your comment on my post "Sneaking Romance into the Work Week." I'm glad you could picture the global market along there with me. Sorry for my delay.

    Jennifer Dougan

  14. Thank you all the funeral service was lovely. The parents of that sweet child are amazing and some of my new heroes.


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